(55 Princes Gate, South Kensington, London, SW7 2PN)
A quick brief about the evening before we start:
After reading the itinerary above on the email we received we where very much looking forward to a cultured evening of history and classic renaissance cuisine. You would of thought the theatrical performances would be something to do with polish heritage or the evening we was about to embark on….. WRONG. On arrival we where handed a rather vile cocktail that got whipped out my hand by a sudden gust of wind, even the gods didn’t like it.
We where then told that the actors would be amongst us through out the meal and to please go into the ballroom. The first contact we had was with a gentleman in a suit who said welcome to my wedding, please introduce yourself to my wife and I hope you have a nice time.
To cut a long story short throughout the evening there was various best man speeches and god awful jokes that really had no relevance to what was going on at all! Like the fellow opposite said “I’m stuck between reality and fiction” or as Wojtek put it (insert polish accent) “no no we are stuck between a terrible theatre performance and god awful food”.
Let the review commence.
Starter:
Chris:
Sweet baby Jesus this was bad like really bad. If you can imagine a tin of fishy spam then you’ve nailed it. Freezing cold and revolting! I mean just come on. They probably gave this to them poor inmates in Russian gulags, by the look on everyone’s faces I was not alone!
This was served with a shot of honey and horseradish vodka. This must of come out of Chernobyl’s rector number 4 because you could strip the face off your neighbour at 1000 yards.
Soup course:
Chris:
Firstly apologies for not getting the full picture as the soup had not been poured at this point because it took rather a long time to get to the plate. Plus I was now 7 glasses of white down and rather inebriated.
Finally brown beer smelling weak gravy was then poured into the bowl submersing the egg yolk and ginger bread. On first tasting it seemed ok, but then the burst of a sweetened egg yolk really sent this soup into the depths of hell. I’m not a fan of beer gravy and I very rarely leave food on a plate but this time I couldn’t bring myself to finish it, dreadful.
Warm starter:
Chris:
If any of you have ever tried Pierogi you would know that it is truly delicious, regrettably this was not. The pastry was flavourless and the filling had the consistency of cardboard, I think you would of got more flavour from the tablecloth it sat on. Only a trained paramedic would of been able to get this dish back to life.
Main course:
Chris:
Finally something that was edible. The goose was cooked as well as goose can be and the apple sauce was very pleasant. My only criticism was that the goose meat was very very chewy so much so that my teeth where sweating.
Dessert:
Chris:
Looks can be deceiving and believe me they where. The filling was not bad at all, surprisingly rather tasty, but unfortunately the outer casing was harder then Wolverines Adamantium. With a good throw I reckon they could do some extensive damage! I felt sorry for the old boy next to me as he tucked into his log of titanium as I thought his jaw would defiantly dislocate.
Summary:
Chris:
You would have to pay me to eat this food again, granted they where trying to recreate food from a period in history and I’m sure they did everything by the book and followed the recipes of old. But as far as I’m concerned they can stay in the renaissance. The company on the table was hilarious and I did have a fantastic night not from the food but possibly the endless wine and reactions on people’s faces.
Two hungry snobs 